just some funny things for you today!!
No groans, please.
1. Dad, are we pyromaniacs? Yes, we arson
2. What do you call a pig with laryngitis? Disgruntled.
3. Writing my name in cursive is my signature move.
4. Why do bees stay in their hives during winter? Swarm.
5. If you’re bad at haggling, you’ll end up paying the price.
6. Just so everyone’s clear, I’m going to put my glasses on.
7. A commander walks into a bar and orders everyone around.
8. I lost my job as a stage designer. I left without making a scene.
9. Never buy flowers from a monk. Only you can prevent florist friars.
10. How much did the pirate pay to get his ears pierced? A buccaneer.
11. I once worked at a cheap pizza shop to get by. I kneaded the dough.
12. My friends and I have named our band ‘Duvet’. It’s a cover band.
13. I lost my girlfriend’s audiobook, and now I’ll never hear the end of it.
14. Why is ‘dark’ spelled with a k and not c? Because you can’t see in the dark.
15. Why is it unwise to share your secrets with a clock? Well, time will tell.
16. When I told my contractor I didn’t want carpeted steps, they gave
me a blank stare.
17. Bono and The Edge walk into a Dublin bar and the bartender says,
“Oh no, not U2 again.”
18. Prison is just one word to you, but for some people, it’s a whole sentence.
19. Scientists got together to study the effects of alcohol on a
person’s walk, and the result was staggering
20. I’m trying to organize a hide and seek tournament, but good
players are really hard to find.
21. I got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallows, and nuts. I
won’t lie, it was a rocky road.
22. What do you say to comfort a friend who’s struggling with grammar?
There, their, they’re.
23. I went to the toy store and asked the assistant where the
Schwarznegger dolls are and he replied, “Aisle B, back.”
24. What did the surgeon say to the patient who insisted on closing up
their own incision? Suture self.
25. I’ve started telling everyone about the benefits of eating dried
grapes. It’s all about raisin awareness.
If you thought those were bad...read on...
Seeing Eye Dogs....
Two women were out for a Saturday stroll. One had a Doberman and the other, a Chihuahua. As they
walked down the street, the one with the Doberman Said to her friend, "Let's go over to that bar for a drink."
The lady with the Chihuahua said, "We can't go in there. We've got dogs with us." The one with the Doberman said, "Just watch, and do as I do."
They walked over to the bar and the one with the Doberman put on a pair of dark glasses and started to walk in.
The bouncer at the door said, "Sorry, lady, no pets allowed."
The woman with the Doberman said, "You don't understand. This is my seeing-eye dog."
The bouncer said, "A Doberman?"
The woman said, "Yes, they're using them now. They're very good."
The bouncer said, "Well, OK, come on in."
The lady with the Chihuahua thought that convincing him that a Chihuahua was a seeing-eye dog may be a bit¡ more difficult but thought,"What the heck," so she put on her dark glasses and started to walk in.
Once again the bouncer said, "Sorry, lady, no pets allowed."
The woman said, "You don't understand. This is my seeing-eye dog"
The bouncer said, "A Chihuahua?"
The woman with the Chihuahua said......,
.
."A Chihuahua?? They gave me a Chihuahua ?????????
Stay safe and healthy!!
Yashi Kochi!!
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